Pro-Rupert Murdoch editorials have a lot in common. For starters, they’re all published in newspapers owned by or associated with Murdoch. Then, there’s everything else about them: their argumentation, their structure, their themes, their key phrases. It’s almost as if the papers are cribbing off each other, or some kind of master Murdoch defense document.

I can’t find anyone who approves of what happened yesterday, when news titan Rupert Murdoch suffered a near-shaving-cream-pie in the face during a hearing before members of Parliament in London. Everyone seems to agree that the pie-thrower, “activist” Jonnie Marbles, is a dumbass. We even seem to agree that Rupert Murdoch’s wife, Wendi Deng, is a badass. (If you’re late to the story, Wendi personally lunged at Marbles and smacked him on the head. Sadly, no black eye was administered.)

Grab your broom, flick your wand, and chug a butterbeer, because it’s time for a trip across the pond to a magical land where anything is possible: the British press. We can’t help but notice that the unfolding News International scandal bears some interesting similarities to the Harry Potter series. Most notably, the saga’s heroes and villains bear striking resemblances to J.K. Rowling’s own characters. So, before you don your robe for the final Harry Potter movie, check out who all your favorite characters would be in real life.

But the fall of News of the World isn’t all good news. In fact, it could do a lot of damage to the tabloid’s more dignified News Corps neighbor at 3 Thomas More Square: England’s thunderer, The Times of London. The closure of Murdoch’s cash cow will make it much harder for him to prop up his legitimate outlet, a paper with fine journalism, but little money.